Every night

Every night I cry a thousand tears.
Thousand tears of sadness.
Thousand tears of badluck.
I cry every night. Thousand tears.

Because I ain’t good enough,
not beatiful enough,
not nice enough,
not enough for me.

I’m fine for the rest.
But not for this life,
not for this body.
My body full of scars.

My arms are full,
nobody who can see them.
My mind is full,
full of sadness.

My pills are ready,
lying on their place.
Just where I put them,
for if I’m breaking down.

I really saved them up,
one by one, every day.
Because it’s not notable that way.
And now I got enough.

Enough to do it,
enough to go.
Enough for finally getting my rest,
In my head I did a long time ago.

If I died right now, this time,
nobody will cry for me.
Live doesn’t make sense for me,
not enough to keep going.

But I keep going,
I keep fighting,
I keep longing,
but I’m not giving up.

Not now.